When I first started writing about this I wasn’t actually planning on making it a ” series ” . It wasn’t until I saw the final photos of the inside of the trailer my grandmother owned as it stands today that I felt the undeniable urge to just keep writing. I was able to find a few pictures that captured a similar angle as the ones my grandma took so many years ago. Some with myself included , some only with memories attached. In these final photos I wanted to include the trailer that was next door to my grandma’s that we happen to live in.
These photos include people from our family that I no longer speak to. They include photos of my father who passed away years and years after these photos. They include moments from memories that were most painful to me. I keep them because at the same time there were great memories intertwined in all the dark memories. Weird huh? How that works ?
I want to start with the rest of my grandma’s side of the land where we spent most of our days, mostly because that’s where my best memories lie.
Next is the living room . Where we watched the best cartoons and usually where all of the cousins and I slept when we had sleepovers at grandma’s. Imagine a pile of about eight to ten kids snoring!
Here is the living room now . The wall paper and the carpet are just the same!
The rest of the home include pictures of bedrooms and bathrooms that I don’t have personal pictures of so here is where I will include photos from the other trailer that I lived in next door to this one instead. This trailer came with so many memories as well. In fact, I remember living with my grandma and my parents in this one until about 1998 ( or so ) . That is when she bought the trailer above and had it moved to our land.
I’m sure there are more , but I think you get the point. I mentioned before , there were alot of painful memories here but the good ones, they have been with me through this entire life time and I’m sure with many more years to go! Alot of what built me came from this gravel road. Sometimes the smell of wet tree bark on a rainy day , or something cooking in the kitchen that takes me back and a wave of nostalgia hits me . I end this with saying I don’t hate the fact that we had to move away . I hate how it had to happen , I hate that it felt like a little section of my childhood was ripped away from me, but the life we were able to create from there on out led me to many more beautiful people . My best friends , my step mom , teachers that make huge impacts in my life , experiences that I may have never got to have. I have alot to be thankful for . Thank you for reading my Scrapbook Memories.
Even if you were completely and utterly prepared for parenthood , you could never completely prepare for parenthood. All the classes and books and Facebook groups and certifications could never prepare you for the curve balls that smack you dead in the face .
I say to alot of my friends that go through relationship problems that it’s not you against them , it’s you TWO against the problem. The same goes for raising children.
We as mothers , as fathers , as parents are a child’s first teacher. Everything they see and hear us do , they follow . Why wouldn’t they ? They have nothing else to compare to until school. That’s how they learn. I would have to say by the time Alessa turned three I began turning into an angry parent . I got lost in that cycle. I preach and preach about how contagious negativity can be and yet here I was angry and tired and impatient and resentful. Because working harder to be positive just meant more work for my already exhausted mind and body. And guess what ? All of that negativity seeped into my children.
Don’t get me wrong Alessa was intensly defiant even before I threw my hands up and sort of gave up but I unfortunately didn’t make it better. Tonight Alessa still tried to fight me hard to get to bed. That’s when it’s the worst for us. But I just kept telling myself ,” Don’t let her see how tired you are , don’t let her see your losing patience. Give her one more minute before she has to go to bed .” So I set a timer on my phone and after a minute we were off to bed. There was still a little distraction/avoidance technique on her part in attempts at avoiding going to bed but twenty good minutes of convincing was a hell of alot better than two hours of war. I’ve gone down this road where we have a few good nights and then we go days with nothing but choas but I’ll take what I can. Tonight she went to bed with a smile , and I went to bed knowing she didn’t fall asleep with a broken heart. ❤ https://www.instagram.com/p/CPKHxTPrZ5s/?utm_medium=share_sheet