Scrapbook Memories

Then and Now

As I was sifting through the photos online that I had found of my old home, I happen to come across part of the land as seen in my last few posts , but also my grandmother’s trailer . I didn’t mention it before through all of the excitement of finding them that we actually lived right on the other side her trailer in a single wide blue trailer.

Our trailer was run down and beat up compared to grandma’s. No heat in the winter some years . Other years in only parts of the trailer. In the summer it was fans in open windows even during the hottest point of the day. Black mold had grown from our window sill and down the wall from where it leaked. I remember Mom going at that wall with pure bleach and a pair of gloves and it never did a bit of good.

Since the photos from the realtor’s website only shows my grandmother’s old trailer , this first bit of photos I am about to share will only include such , but I will add in future posts our home too. There is just no way to exclude it as part of this entire story.

I wanted to start with the lake view from Grandma Sarah’s backyard mostly because it reminded me of the picture my grandma took of me standing right in the view of the lake from the hill. As soon as I saw it online it instantly brought me back to that day. Grandma had her disposable camera and was taking shots of the land , I’m sure for her memory but of course myself and my cousin Chase happen to be there . The view of the photos my grandma took are much closer and in the middle of summer so the trees are in full bloom , yet I knew instantly the exact location of the picture as soon as I saw it.

When I came across the photo of the actual trailer , I almost didn’t recognize it because they made such a drastic change to the porch. My step Grandpa , whom my grandma divorced shortly after my dad passed , had actually built the original porch and it was nearly the length of the trailer. Here happens to be the then and now that also included my cousin , and me standing on the porch crossing my arms . Of course with a ton of sass.

Last but not least ( I have so many more to come in future posts) , the famous ol’ gravel road. The road I talk about so often right along side that lake. It was the same gravel road my dad scraped my off of when I decided I was gonna win that bike race against my cousins. Like Dave Batisa said ,” No scars , No stories .” and boy I sure still have that weird lookin’ scar . Maybe I’ll include a picture of that in the next coming parts if this story.

This really has blossomed a ton of memories that flash through my mind like an old film . I know that there were some traumatic moments here , but I just want to revel in the happiness that anchored my heart there. The pictures just don’t do it justice . I can still hear the silence right before the wind rustled the trees , the crickets and frogs. All of it. So before I end this let me show you a picture of myself in a state of pure bliss , riding my bike , just the happiest little girl alive.

Excerpts of Parenting a Strong Willed Child

Even if you were completely and utterly prepared for parenthood , you could never completely prepare for parenthood. All the classes and books and Facebook groups and certifications could never prepare you for the curve balls that smack you dead in the face .

I say to alot of my friends that go through relationship problems that it’s not you against them , it’s you TWO against the problem. The same goes for raising children.

We as mothers , as fathers , as parents are a child’s first teacher. Everything they see and hear us do , they follow . Why wouldn’t they ? They have nothing else to compare to until school. That’s how they learn. I would have to say by the time Alessa turned three I began turning into an angry parent . I got lost in that cycle. I preach and preach about how contagious negativity can be and yet here I was angry and tired and impatient and resentful. Because working harder to be positive just meant more work for my already exhausted mind and body. And guess what ? All of that negativity seeped into my children.

Don’t get me wrong Alessa was intensly defiant even before I threw my hands up and sort of gave up but I unfortunately didn’t make it better. Tonight Alessa still tried to fight me hard to get to bed. That’s when it’s the worst for us. But I just kept telling myself ,” Don’t let her see how tired you are , don’t let her see your losing patience. Give her one more minute before she has to go to bed .” So I set a timer on my phone and after a minute we were off to bed. There was still a little distraction/avoidance technique on her part in attempts at avoiding going to bed but twenty good minutes of convincing was a hell of alot better than two hours of war. I’ve gone down this road where we have a few good nights and then we go days with nothing but choas but I’ll take what I can. Tonight she went to bed with a smile , and I went to bed knowing she didn’t fall asleep with a broken heart. ❤ https://www.instagram.com/p/CPKHxTPrZ5s/?utm_medium=share_sheet